New beginnings seem to call for change—new ways of being, thinking and doing. There’s no beginning quite like the start of a new year that causes us to reflect on the old ways of the past and consider ways to be, think and do better in the future. Making the resolutions is the easy part.  Keeping the resolutions for 365 days and in this Leap Year, 366 days, is the difficult part. Why do 40 to 45 percent of Americans even make resolutions when they hardly last past Jan. 31?  New Year’s resolutions are perhaps one of the great mysteries of human behavior.  What’s behind the practice of making …

No matter which of the winter holidays you celebrate, they all seem to share the ying and yang of ups and downs; fun and festivity; and stress and sadness. The season of lights sometimes brings on a personal season of darkness. The time of giving frequently results in feelings of loss and emptiness. Everything just results in higher highs and lower lows when we’re surrounded by the chaotic activity of a time when so much is expected of us and there seems to be so little time and energy to fulfill those expectations. Couple that with the memories and experiences of the past year, and it can …

It’s that time of year again: the holidays! Well, actually, the holidays seem to have begun earlier than usual this year. The black and orange of Halloween made a rapid transition to the red and green of the winter holiday season. Whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or the Winter Solstice, it just seems to come too fast and furious each year.  Once the Black Friday advertisements hit the door step, it’s all over.  Children start circling pictures of the items they crave and parents start tallying the mounting dollar signs. No one wants to be Ebenezer Scrooge, but not many of us are King…

Many of us mark the passage of time by the holidays.  Labor Day, Columbus Day, Halloween and Thanksgiving…they seem to arrive earlier each year. Now that the Thanksgiving benchmark is behind us, it’s time to prepare for the holiday stress ahead. Does it really have to be that way? Or can we arm ourselves with some strategies for reducing the stress and stressing the reason behind the season? Here’s a holiday survival guide that will help you not only survive, but thrive despite the stressors that may seem insurmountable. Stress is simply a fact of nature —forces from the inside or outside …

The conversation about the sexual abuse of children continues.  Seems like the more answers that are offered, the more questions arise. So here’s a list of some questions that have surfaced and some responses that might be helpful to parents and their children who have suffered abuse at the hands of a sexual predator. What is sexual abuse? Sexual abuse is defined as "the employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in, or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a …

With all the horrendous headlines that have swirled throughout the media over the past week regarding the alleged child sexual abuse scandal, it might be helpful to discuss the common characteristics that pedophiles exhibit. So too, knowing some of the behaviors that sexually abused children demonstrate, might alert parents that something is amiss and needs to be addressed. Although these are difficult topics to address, it’s important that parents recognize these red flags that could signal a parent’s worst nightmare. Pedophilia is the condition of being sexually attracted to children. …

My husband and I are really compatible on most of the important things in our lives. However, there is one issue that is becoming a bigger source of contention between us. As our kids are getting older, I’m realizing more and more that I’m always cast as the “bad cop parent” and my husband has taken on the “good cop parent” role. While I don’t want our kids to see me as the mean, strict parent, I do think kids need clearly defined boundaries. Unfortunately, our kids have learned to “play” us. When I say, “No” they go to dad who always sides with them and the answer becomes, “Yes.”  This …

Overall we think we’ve done the right things with our kids, but now that they're going into their teens we’re worried that maybe we’ve not done enough.  We’re concerned that despite being raised with strong family values, good moral examples and unconditional love, our kids may succumb to peer pressure when they’re faced with a decision that could impact their health or safety.  How can we guarantee that the strength we’ve shown them is enough strength for them to make the right decisions despite outside pressures? – Carol D. Sounds like you’ve done and continue to do the right things for …

Perfectionism has lots of facets to it. Some people think it’s a virtue, others think it’s a vice. Some view it as a moral, religious or ethical characteristic.  Others believe it to be a dangerous trap.  It’s a trap because perfectionists find themselves constantly striving toward the highest achievement, the best score, and the winning record, and yet, in their own minds, they never hit the target they envisioned even if they achieve outstanding results. They’re trapped in an unending cycle of trying to attain a goal that they themselves continue to push away from themselves. Thus, the ever…

Our daughter is new to middle school this year. She is quite petite for her age. She has hinted that some older girls have been picking on her at school, but she hasn’t given us any details. With bullying so much in the news, I’m afraid that my daughter is becoming a victim. I’m not sure if I should intervene or let her take care of the situation herself. What are the signs of bullying and when is enough enough? Should I take matters into my own hands or will I make matters worse?  - Dede and Scott R. It’s always a dilemma for parents to determine when to intervene and when to let a child …

Although my husband and I both work full time and we don’t have lots of discretionary time, we really do want to be more involved in our children’s education. We make time for family activities on the weekends, but we’re wondering how we might get engaged in some of the school-related events and activities to assure our children and their teachers that we really care about their schooling. What are some ways that we can get connected to our kids’ school life?  – Nancy and Sam D. School personnel are very interested in getting parents like you involved in the life of the school community. …

With working a full time job, having three school-aged children and being a single parent, I’m finding that although I’m usually a really good parent, I’m feeling very stressed out lately. I notice that I’m yelling at the kids more than I’d like to admit and generally losing my patience over little things that previously didn’t bother me.  It seems that minor irritations are becoming major problems and I’m feeling out of control. Are my feelings normal or am I just over dramatizing my situation?      ~ Celine V. Feelings of stress and impatience are certainly normal and to be expected with …

My husband and I have always enjoyed using the public libraries in the other cities where we’ve lived.  We found them to be a great resource, but we can’t seem to get our kids motivated to spend time at the local libraries around here.  How can we encourage them to get more involved in the library? -Jane F. You’re right about the public libraries. They’re certainly a great resource for just about anything that you need. Sometimes kids don’t realize just what a terrific treasure trove libraries are until they find a specific use for them. It’s similar to the quote, “When the student is ready, …

Our first child is not yet in school, but we want to get a jump start on ways to prepare her for school and to help her learn some basics that will ease the transition from home to preschool.  What are some suggestions you have that will help us gently prepare our daughter for the school years ahead? -Debra and Mark V. As you probably know, I really believe that parents are a child’s first teachers and your question affirms that belief. You can begin introducing your daughter to many basics that will serve her well as she enters preschool and will build a learning foundation that will take …

None of us in our generation will ever forget what happened and what we were doing on 9/11, but as we watched the 10th anniversary coverage over the weekend, we realized that for our children it will be just another past event that they’ll study in their history books. It got us to thinking about our own family memories, their importance to us and how we’d like them to be “real” for our children. Just wondering how we can ensure that our family history is maintained as a viable and meaningful part of our children’s lives. Have any ideas that we can try?  - Sara and Nate B. Our national, …

Just thinking about our peculiar situation this week. We’re just a couple weeks after the triple threat of the flash flood, the earthquake and Hurricane Irene and a week before the tenth anniversary of 9/11. It’s a juxtaposition that warrants some reflection. What are you thinking about this “in between week” in our local and national history? Just wondering. -Bobbi C. Interesting that you should cite these events that are irretrievably embedded in our local and national memory. I’ve been reflecting onthem also. But more importantly, while I have been thinking about those who died, I’ve also …

The trio of tragic events this past week including the flash flood, the earthquake and Hurricane Irene has left us with a new appreciation of our family and friends. They have also raised our common awareness of the importance and value of preparing ourselves to the greatest extent possible to cope with these often unforeseen disasters.  While we don’t think it’s possible to be fully prepared to face such horrific events, we know it’s important to have some basic plan to deal with the natural disasters that may disrupt our way of life. So what are some actions for families to take so that …

Oprah has it. Donald Trump has it. Michael Jordan has it. And believe it or not, your kids have it, too! It’s called style. More specifically, it’s call learning style. Everyone learns differently and at a different pace. Learning style describes the way that a student learns best.  Various researchers describe learning styles in numerous ways, but one of the most common ways of classifying learning styles is to consider the senses. Based on the senses, the typical learning stylesare: auditory, visual and kinesthetic or tactile.  As you probably guessed, auditory learners learn best by …

My kids are always texting on their phones or online via instant messaging. They can text in the dark! They have really fine-tuned their ability to communicate with their thumbs. Of course I’m happy when they text me and let me know where they are, what they’re doing and when they’ll be home, but I’m thinking that texting is quickly replacing talking. This worries me a little. Is this a wasted worry?  – Dede R. Wasted worry? Not at all! There are a couple things to worry about when the kids are texting continuously and their thumbs are developing muscles of their own. Two major worries about …

After raising two sons, I have the blessing of sharing my life with a man who was widowed when his daughter was only 4 years old. I have been her mom for about five years now.  She's 13. She started taking karate classes almost two years ago and for the past six months it has been a struggle to get her to go to class. She's quite athletic and does very well with it. We bought her a special wall hanging to display her belts to try to encourage her to stick with it. We'd love her to go three times a week, but we've compromised. If she goes twice, she can miss Saturday morning and sleep in. Her …