The Power of Positive

Lots of sayings exist about the power of positive thinking. Dozens of self-help books and magazine articles have been written about the benefits of optimism, or positive thinking. But just what is positive thinking anyway?

People generally define “optimism” as believing the best of any situation. That is true, but it is important to understand that a single definition doesn’t fit all age groups.

For example, parents of young children could define a positive attitude as “finding good in yourself, others, and things you do.” For example, maybe your child is always smiling, or a friend is willing to share his toys.

Older children can have a slightly more advanced definition. For them, a positive attitude can be defined as “an optimistic way of feeling, thinking, and acting in the face of everyday events and obstacles.”

However it is defined, a positive attitude is important to cultivate. Without it, it is too easy to become defeated when things don’t go our way – and not having things go our way is part of living.

For example, take the most recent testing cycle at Oakmont Martial Arts. Testings are generally an opportunity to celebrate achievement, but on this particular night four students were issued a “no change,” meaning they did not advance. In this situation, a positive attitude is key. It is the difference in believing that this was a temporary setback and an opportunity to work harder, and believing that a “no change” is a failure and an insurmountable obstacle.

As parents, how do you help your child cultivate a positive attitude? The specific actions will be different for every age and every individual, but here are some good, general tips:

1. Police thoughts, feelings, and actions. This means being aware of negativity creeping in, and actively working to change it. For example, instead of thinking, “I only got a B on my math test,” change that thought into something like, “I studied really hard and I got a B!”
2. Set positive and reasonable goals. A goal should always be something that is achievable. For example, if your child is new to taekwondo, the first goal shouldn’t be doing a butterfly kick. A more reasonable goal would be to do a sidekick at belt level. Setting a reasonable goal allows for short term wins, which bolster a positive attitude while continuing to work on longer-term goals.
3. Visualizing positive results. It’s important to teach kids to see themselves achieving their goal. Visualizing success sends an unconscious message that the child will be successful, which provides motivation. Visualizing defeat often results in a “why bother” feeling that is counterproductive.
4. Keep trying & celebrate successes. Celebrations feel good and are motivational. Even if a child ultimately falls a little short of the goal, there is always something that can be celebrated, which encourages him to continue to work on the area needing focus.

As adults, we also need to remember that our words have a powerful impact on our children, and they will take their cues from us. A child who hears a parent say, “oh, she can’t do that,” is likely to internalize that.

“Kids pick up on this language and if their parent believes they can't do something, young children are likely to believe the same,” said Karyn Graff, fourth-degree Black Belt, chief instructor, and school owner at Oakmont Martial Arts. “Replace ‘can’t’ with ‘hasn’t learned yet,’ or ‘is working on it.’ ‘Can’t’ just translates to ‘why bother trying’.”

Of course, your words will be less valuable if your child sees you acting negatively. You can use the tips above to cultivate a positive attitude for yourself, which will help your child to the same. That positive attitude will help him be resilient in the face of those setbacks she will inevitably face.

Oakmont Martial Arts is licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-6), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Sword middle-grade fantasy ebook series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.