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Health & Fitness

Determination

We’ve all seen it. The smartest guy doesn’t get the promotion, or the best grade. Maybe the best singer didn’t get the lead in the school play. But quite often, although the most talented person doesn’t rise to the top, these successful people have one thing in common: determination.

In contrast, we’ve all seen people who abandon a goal when things aren’t going so easily. Maybe it’s a person who always said he wanted to earn his Black Belt, but gives up training after a no-change testing. Or the kid who wanted to play basketball, but stopped when he didn’t make the school team.  Or someone who always wanted to be a writer, but quit writing when a magazine rejected her first story.

Determination goes by a lot of different names – perseverance, dedication, persistence. Whatever you call it, determination is a key ingredient to success. It is what keeps you going when obstacles arise; obstacles that might otherwise cause you to throw in the towel and give up. 

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Determination can’t be taught in the same way that multiplication tables can be taught. But there are things you can do to encourage your child to develop a “determination habit” that they can rely on no matter what they encounter.

Encourage a “growth” attitude: When you try something and fail, it’s very tempting to say, “Oh, I can’t do that.” But saying that, even within the quiet of your own mind, is one of the worst things you can do. Teach your child to see herself achieving her goals. If she wants to get the lead in the school play, encourage her to visualize herself on stage, performing in front of an audience. Mentally “seeing” herself as a success will strengthen the determination to make that vision a reality.

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Try, try, try again: People in general, but frequently children, believe that those who succeed must have loads of talent. “Of course he’s good at basketball. He can jump really high.” What they don’t see are the hours of work that goes into strengthening that talent. It is easy to read Harry Potter and see JK Rowling’s talent. What you don’t see are the dozens of publishers who rejected her. If your child is having difficulty with something, like a board break, encourage him to keep trying. Constant effort is a bigger key to success than natural talent.

Set SMART goals: Goals can come in many forms, but a lot of times what you are setting are dreams. Learn to set goals that are SMART: specific, measurable, agreed upon, realistic, and trackable. “I want to play in the NFL,” is a dream because there are so many things about making the NFL that are completely out of your control. Instead, pick a goal that supports that dream. “I want to improve my time in the 50-yard dash by five seconds by September.” This is specific (improve your time by a certain amount), measurable (someone can time you with a stopwatch), agreed upon (you’ve committed to it), realistic (by running daily, this is an improvement that can be made), and trackable (you can time yourself weekly to see how much you are improving).

Name that obstacle: Saying “this is really hard,” can be demoralizing and isn’t very helpful. But there’s a great deal of power in naming and claiming the obstacle. What is holding you back? What can you do about it? By identifying your obstacle (“I’m scared of being on stage”) you can brainstorm ways to overcome it (start by practicing in front a few friends and work up to bigger groups).

Find encouraging environments: People learn by doing. Repeating words twice a day, and then spending eight hours somewhere where determination is not encouraged and rewarded, is counterproductive. Whatever the activity, children need to be surrounded by people who are supportive, not hyper-critical. At Oakmont Martial Arts, this attitude is actively cultivated. “The worst thing you can tell yourself is ‘I can’t’,” said school owner, chief instructor, and fourth-degree Black Belt Karyn Graff. One example is board breaking. Whether or not the student successfully broke the board, other students are encouraged to clap. This encouragement sends a powerful message: we believe you can do it.

 Oakmont Martial Arts is licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-5), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visitwww.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Sword middle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.

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