Friendship

Think of a really good moment in your life. Maybe you did well on a test, or got some good news, or had some free time outside. What's one thing that could probably have made that even better?

The answer, most likely, is being able to share it with a friend.

They say that joy shared is doubled, and sorrow shared is halved. Friends are what make that possible. Real friends spread our laughter, and help us through the tough spots. And even if you haven't seen them for a long time, it's easy to fall back into the old comfortable patterns.

But making friends can be hard, too. What do you do if you feel like you're different than all of the people around you, or you're naturally shy?

This is difficult enough for adults, but can be especially hard for kids. Often, if they aren't perceived as the "popular" kids, they can be pushed to the edges of the social circle, or feel too unsure to join in with others.

What's important to remember about friendship is that it’s not the quanity, but the quality that counts. A few good friends are worth more than dozens of acquaintances.

But if you, or your child, want to expand the social circle, here are a few tips.

1.   Make the circle bigger. A lot of times, kids see the same people over and over and over again. This might be the kids at school, the ones on the playground, or ones at a particular extracurricular activity. Where ever it is, if you or your child don't believe she is gaining the friends she wants, changing the circle can be a good option. This might mean joining a new club, volunteering, or getting involved in an organization a little outside your area. All of these bring new people into the mix, which increases the chances for forming new friendships.

2.   Learn to meet and greet. It's true that some people out there are just so outgoing they talk to everyone—even the wallflowers. However, most people don't fall into this category. Learning how to introduce yourself will have big benefits, not only for your child's immediate friendship prospects, but later in life too. Introductions don't have to be elaborate, but should make a statement. Practice walking up to people and saying, "Hi, my name is ___. What's yours?" Next practice asking questions that make connections with others. Asking about favorite sports teams, activities, books, music, or movies is a great way to find common ground.

3.   Be a good friend. You know what they say: the best way to make a friend is to be one. And it's true. If your child wants to have friends, he must be a friend himself. That means learning and practicing the values of trust, honesty, loyalty, open-mindedness, and respect as well as practicing "give and take." These things take practice, so when you see your child being particularly respectful, honest, or loyal, compliment them (but don't mistake loyalty for not intervening in dangerous behavior."

Keep practicing these things and, in time, your child will find the right circle of friends—friends who might be with her for life.

Oakmont Martial Arts licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-5), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Sword middle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.