Leadership: It Can Be Taught

“Leaders are born, not made.”

How many times have you heard this? A lot, probably. But if leadership can’t be taught, why do so many colleges and universities offer degree programs in leadership?

The answer, as always, is in the middle. It is certainly true that leadership comes easier for some people than others. But even when people find it easier to lead, there are definitely skills to be learned and honed. In fact, a recent study shows that learning skills is more important than pure personality when it comes to leadership.

Knowing that, there is another question to answer. Why is leadership important? Does everybody need to be a leader? Not everyone will have a career that involves leading a team or supervising others, and not everyone is going to be President. What’s wrong with just being a follower?

The answer is: nothing, most of the time. There are certainly times when it is more appropriate to follow others instead of striking out on your own. Perhaps someone else has already found a solution, or has knowledge necessary to perform a task. Why reinvent the wheel, if the wheel is good enough, right?

Followership is okay – when it is thoughtful, and done with a purpose. But mindless followership, simply going with the flow because it’s easier, or you don’t want to “make waves” is dangerous. It can lead to unsafe risks, and poor decisions with undesired consequences. For that reason, it’s important to teach our children why leadership is important, and why leadership is important – even when the only person you are leading is yourself.

The good news is leadership skills can be taught and practiced – just like anything else. There are a few key ways to developing good leadership skills.

1.   Make conscious choices. If you think about your day, you make a lot of choices, from things as minor as what pants to wear, to what to have for breakfast, to whether or not you should try to beat that red light because you’re late to work. Some of those choices are based on impulse, and that’s okay. The world will not end because you impulsively decide to wear jeans instead of corduroy pants on a particular day. But other choices are more serious. What happens if you decide to beat that light? Maybe you miss the light and get a ticket. Maybe you’ll wind up in a car accident, because the cars with the green light will be on the move. The key is to learn to look at the pros and cons of these kinds of decisions; learn to play the “what if” game? Making such a list allows kids to learn how to get perspective, and retain some control. True leaders don’t wait for others to make the decisions for them; they go out and get the facts they need to decide for themselves.

2.   Be assertive. Kids are taught from a young age to obey the adults in their lives. In general, this is a good thing. Adults often have more experience and more knowledge (or at least they should). So when Mom says, “Don’t take candy from strangers,” or your teacher says, “Here’s how to do algebra,” it’s good to listen, and listening certainly makes life easier. However, as kids get older, it’s important to teach them to be confident enough to speak up for themselves in a respectful manner, of course. If friends have suggested going to a movie your child doesn’t really want to see, he needs to be confident enough to say, “I don’t want to see that one. How about we see this one instead?” This should extend to conversations with adults, including parents. “Dad, I know you want to play a board game, but I’d rather go outside and play catch.” Not everything has to be dictated by authority. Your child won’t get his way all of the time, nor should he. But he will learn to speak up for his preferences, which is a key leadership trait. And don’t confuse assertiveness with aggression. Aggression is forcing others to bend to your will, either through words or actions. Assertiveness is speaking up for your own opinions in a way that is not only respectful of others, but inspires them to go along with you.

3.   Keep it positive. So much comes from having a positive attitude, and leadership is no different. No one wants to follow Debbie Downer. Leaders don’t look at challenges and say, “Oh wow, that’s so hard. We’ll never be able to do that.” They are able to maintain a positive energy that inspires confidence from others. “This is going to be hard, but we can do it!” To help maintain that attitude, teach your children to identify the skills needed to accomplish a goal, and figure out who, including herself, has those skills.

4.   Commit! When the going gets tough, the tough get going – or so the saying goes. And that “going” doesn’t mean quitting. Sure, it can be tempting to throw in the towel when something doesn’t quite go your way. Maybe your child is finding it harder to learn piano than he thought, or she’s not the fastest kid on the cross-country team. But encourage him to keep his promises. “You said you were going to learn to play piano,” or “You committed to the team.” Make sure they are the one making the commitment, but as a parent, make sure she understands she needs to see it through, whatever the obstacles. At the end of the commitment, she can either make a longer-term goal, or move on to something else. But a key component of leadership is making good on promises. Thing of the good leaders you’ve known. Chances are they do what they say they are going to do.

5.   Learn from mistakes. Kids are going to make mistakes. It’s a fact of life, part of being human. On the way to a particular goal, something will probably go sideways. But in a lot of ways, we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. Mistakes, when handled properly, force us to reevaluate our actions and determine just where everything started to fall apart – and what we could do differently. So let your child make mistakes, but then make sure he sees them as an opportunity to improve (“Next time, I’ll do it this way”) than a failure (“I’ll never be able to do this – I keep messing up”).

Kids may not be able to imagine that they need to be leaders. But by practicing these skills, they will increase their chances of success in life – even if they are only leading a team of one.

Oakmont Martial Arts licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-5), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Sword middle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.