Making Honesty Your Best Policy

How many times have we heard this? "Honesty is the best policy"?

Depending on how old you are, chances are the answer is "pretty often." But are you teaching that to your children?

If you define honesty as "showing and telling the truth," young children are naturally inclined to honesty. It is not until they get older that the temptation to be otherwise, for whatever reason, presents itself.

Because kids will want to look good in front of peers, parents, and teachers, they will be tempted to gloss over the truth, or do something they know is wrong. This is not unusual. This is also why it's important to teach kids to make honesty part of their every day lives. After all, parents aren't with them 24/7. Kids need to be able to self-correct and learn to make good decisions on their own.

The most important thing is to model honest behavior. If you do not speak and act honestly, it will be more difficult to teach your kids to do so. Yes, absolute honesty is sometimes awkward. Nobody wants to spoil Mom's birthday by telling her all about the surprise present and you don't want to hurt Grandma's feelings by telling her you really don't like the sweater she made for you. But there are ways to preserve feelings without lying. You don't have to love the sweater, but you can love Grandma and the fact she took the time to make something by hand.

So how do you teach your kids that just because they really want an A on their spelling test (and face it, you want them to get an A too) or they want to look cool in front of their friends, being dishonest is not the way to go? The answer is to provide them with some simple techniques they can use to test their words and actions.

Go with your gut. There's a lot to be said for instinct. That gut feeling, the instinctive first reaction, is the right one. Teach your kids that if a friend asks them to do something, and their first reaction is, "Mom would not like that," they need to listen and decide accordingly.

Take an "eye test." Most of us find it difficult to make eye contact with someone when we are lying. Teach your kids to think, "Would I be able to look, Mom/Dad/my friend/a teacher in the eye if I do this?" before they act. Also ask, "Could I look at myself in the eye afterwards?" If the answer is "no," that's a pretty good indication what the honest decision is.

Make it public. One of the dangers of the Internet is that everything is so anonymous and private. People say and do things in email or online that they'd never do or say face-to-face. But one part of honesty and integrity is doing the same thing, no matter if people are watching. Kids should ask themselves, "Would I still do/say this if someone was watching?" If they wouldn't, that's the good sign that it's the wrong thing to say/do.

Ends and means. This is a tough concept. Society often defines "best" by outcomes. Of course an A is better than a B. Mom and Dad want me to get an A, I want an A, so whatever I do to get an A is good, right? Not necessarily. Obtaining a good result through dishonest means cheapens the result. The way to combat this is to teach kids that effort and character are more important than results. If a child has made an effort and acted with integrity, that is more important and will help them learn that "right" is better than "best."

What's the reason? Peer pressure is a reality. And certainly peer pressure can lead us to do the right thing, but not always. Kids should examine their choices: Are they doing something because it's popular or because it's right? If the answer is "popular," think twice. Just because everybody else is doing it, doesn't mean he should.

Be yourself. This goes along with popularity. Doing the right thing can make you unpopular. But changing to fit in doesn't benefit anyone, especially the person changing. In the long run, kids need to learn that it's better to be true to yourself, and find the people who like you for yourself, than it is to please the crowd.

Honesty really is the best policy. And with a little work, parents can teach kids to make it a policy for the rest of their lives.

Oakmont Martial Arts licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-5), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Sword middle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.