Patience: It Really Is a Virtue

We live in a "now" society.

Need some light? Flip a switch. Hot water? Turn the faucet on. Want some popcorn? Throw it in the microwave and hit a button. Looking for a movie for Saturday night? Pick your "video on demand" services of choice and press play.

There used to be an excitement to waiting, anticipation. Those movie trailers you saw in the theater? All the more reason to make you look forward to release date. It was almost as much fun as going to the movie – almost.

The immediacy of our modern life has diminished that. You no sooner walk out of the latest Hunger Games movie, than you're irritated at having to wait a whole year for the next one. My son finishes the last chapter of his newest book, and says, "I can't believe I have to wait a whole year for the next book!" (I write fiction. Yes, it really does take that long.)

But waiting is not only a fact of life. It can beneficial. We wait all the time, in lines, in traffic, for our turn at testing. Waiting often results in a better achievement. When my local writers' group decided to release a short-story anthology, we could have thrown anything out there. Instead, we waited, and waited, and waited some more. Waited for editing, for cover design, for formatting. We waited for almost two years. But when release day came, well, it was worth the wait.

Waiting gives you time to relax, to focus. At a testing, it's a chance to take a few deep breaths, and visualize your material one last time. And it's an opportunity to get your mind off of the stress by cheering for your friends. There's a delicious sense of anticipation with waiting; during that period anything is possible.

But, admittedly, waiting is not natural, especially for kids. So how do you cultivate a good sense of patience in your child? Here are a few tips.

Benefits vs. consequences. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. When your child gets ready to act, have him sit down and think about the reactions. What will happen if he acts immediately? What will happen if he's patient and waits? See if you can find the benefit to waiting. "If you wait five minutes until I finish this task, I can take you to the park. But if you nag me and slow me down, we won't have time to go anywhere."

Find acceptable distractions. Face it; waiting is just plain boring, especially if you're not even waiting for your own thing. For example, when you are waiting with your mom at the dentist's office. This is especially hard for young children, who have naturally limited attention spans. So many sure you have "go to" distraction in your hip pocket for such situations. Maybe you carry a small box of crayons and a coloring book in your purse. Or think up a simple game to play while you wait. Whatever takes your child's mind off her boredom and channels her energy.

Figure out why you are impatient. There are many reasons to be impatient. Sometimes, it's as simple as wanting something, and wanting it now. But other factors can magnify feelings of impatience. Being tired, hungry, or thirsty can make an ordinary wait seem endless. If you know you'll be going somewhere with a long wait, and your child is very young, try to get her to nap (even for twenty minutes) beforehand. Stock your bag, or your child's bag, with water bottle and portable bags of nutritious snacks to fend off hunger-driven impatience. And if none of these are your child's triggers, talk to him about what makes him feel impatient, and develop strategies for fighting those feelings.

Just chill. It's hard to hide when you're impatient. Your body screams it. Think, that person tapping his toes, drumming his fingers, or huffing his breath is probably impatient. The thing is, those physical symptoms can feed the emotional side of impatience, ratcheting it up even further. Help your child practice ways to relax her body: deep breaths, stretching, or simple meditation. Learning to let go of the stress of waiting often makes a huge difference in patience levels.

Walk the walk. As with so much, what parents say is not as important as what parents do. How do you react when you have to wait for something? Can you exercise patience in your own life? Or do you snap at your kids, or other people when you are frustrated and impatient? Telling kids, "You must learn to relax and wait" does no good if the behavior you're modeling is the exact opposite. No one is perfect, but be aware of your own patience levels and triggers, and make an effort to model the kind of reaction you want to see in your child. And, as always, encourage your child and praise him when you see patience in action.

Yes, using patience can be tricky, especially when we really want to get to the payoff. But remember, more often than not, good things really do come to those who wait.

Oakmont Martial Arts licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-5), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Sword middle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.