.

Hate....

Healing is a choice. I am choosing to heal and let go of hate.

First,

Definition of HATE

1a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury

b : extreme dislike or antipathy : loathing <had a great hate of hard work>

2: an object of hatred <a generation whose finest hate had been big business — F. L. Paxson>

those are the merriam webster definitions of hate.


now I ask you, who or what do you hate? Who or what, do you truly and absolutely abhor?


i find that the word, like the word, 'love' is often thrown around in ways that do not fit with its true definition.


"I hate peas!" ok, yes, they do make my stomach churn, but do I abhor them??? no, no not really.


"I hate homework!" yes, my daughter does really not like giving up her after school time to do anything for school, but does she hate it? ok, maybe...


"I hate politics!" for this one, i think what the person often means is that they really dislike the discomfort that comes with having to discuss such a volatile subject. they might also dislike the confrontation and angry voices that come out.


"I hate you!" screamed by my daughter after I pulled rank and declared that yes, I am the mom, and what I say goes. Does she truly hate me? Perhaps in that moment, but generally what she is feeling is probably frustration and anger that she is not getting her way in that particular situation.

I have said "I hate  you" to one person in my lifetime. I said it to his face, and when I said it I 100% meant it. What I have learned, however, is that when I hold on to a feeling like that, it causes harm to me. Hatred, true hatred, is a horribly destructive emotion. It is like acid. Holding it means that I am going to be burned while I grip it tightly. Only by letting it go can I finally let my hands (and actually, my heart) heal.

In the book I am currently reading,"Lord Change My Attitude, I have been convicted. The author, James MacDonald, asks that we replace some very destructive attitudes with positive ones.  The one I have been holding on to so tightly... a Critical Attitude... it's time to replace it with Love.


Yes,  my ex-husband made some awful choices in our marriage. Yes, things were so bad I felt I was fleeing a war zone. But you know what? Through it all, God was loving him and me. My ex was doing the best he could. He still is. Perhaps his best was not good enough for me or the girls and that is why we divorced. But his best is all he can do.


I want my girls to have their dad in their life. I want them to WANT to be with him. I don't want them to see him and think of my unforgiveness. I want them to know that I am so thankful that he was in my life. He is who God chose to bless us with as their dad.  God made that decision. I have always thanked God for the girls. I have always been grateful. But I have been rejecting His choice as their dad. Who am I to do that????


Seriously!

 
Kathy, get off your high horse! You never make mistakes??? Ha! Let's say we start listing them...


no, ok, I'm not that secure that I could list all of my mistakes here in this blog and not want to crawl into a hole somewhere to cry. nope. but I am going to get off my damn high horse. I have let go of the resentment. I have let go of the unforgiveness.


I never thought I would feel this way, and only through the Grace of God can I say this... but I love my ex-husband.


Wow. Ya know what? That felt really, really good.


Thank you, God. Please, keep pruning me of the bad and leave me with this joyously clean heart.


What about you? What hates are you holding on to that are burning you? Have you thought about how good it would feel to let go and heal? Did you know it's a choice? It really is....


I pray you would choose to let go and heal.

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