Ask Dr. Paula

I’m Usually a Really Good Parent, But Sometimes…

Dr. Paula offers seven talk strategies to help really good, but really stressed parents grab a lifeline to negotiate the white waters of 21st century parenting.

With working a full time job, having three school-aged children and being a single parent, I’m finding that although I’m usually a really good parent, I’m feeling very stressed out lately. I notice that I’m yelling at the kids more than I’d like to admit and generally losing my patience over little things that previously didn’t bother me.  It seems that minor irritations are becoming major problems and I’m feeling out of control. Are my feelings normal or am I just over dramatizing my situation?      ~ Celine V. Feelings of stress and impatience are certainly normal and to be expected with the numerous demands on your time and energy as an employee and a parent. Juggling those duties and managing your own well-being is a challenging …

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Paula A. Calabrese

12:02 pm on Monday, October 3, 2011

A friend who read this article suggested a great resource that discusses the 5 Protective Factors Framework that is the foundation for strengthening families. Check it out at http://www.cssp.org/reform/strengthening-families/the-basics/protective-factors   more ›

Striking a Harmonious Balance Between Helpful and Harmful Ways to Promote Self-Esteem in Youngsters

Dr. Paula takes another look at ways parents can help to build a sense of self-esteem in youngsters.

The popular press publishes lots of articles on children and self-esteem. It makes me question whether I’m doing the right thing with my daughter. I certainly want her to be confident and feel good about herself, but I also want her to earn those feelings in a legitimate way. I think that when kids are handed compliments left and right, those compliments lose their luster. What do you think about this self-esteem dilemma? How can I be sure that I’m striking the right balance?  – Diana R. In 1972 Haim Ginott stated in his book, Teacher and Child, “I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher…

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The Balancing Act

Look Who's Talking

There are pros and cons to kids having cell phones.

“Jeremiah, stop text bombing me.” It’s like my kids speak a foreign language and their old mom’s freshman-level knowledge makes it hard to keep up. This one was completely new to me as my 11-year-old, Delaney, had just gotten a cell phone which meant her 12-year-old brother had yet another way to torture her. They were laughing and enjoying each other, though, which was a welcome change. I know that at this point, at least half of you are shaking your heads and judging me for allowing my fifth grader to have a cell phone. This is one area where parents and non-parents alike have very strong opinions. I know I used to wonder what the parents of kids with cell phones were thinking. Not my kid! This is not the first time I’ve done something …

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Kathy McGrath McQuillan

9:07 am on Thursday, March 31, 2011

All three of my girls have phones. My oldest got hers when she was 10, the second got hers when she was 10 and the last when she was 9. It is completely selfish on my part. I want to know they are safe. As a working mom, they are left to walk to/from school and they are home, with just each other, for quite a while after school. It has come in handy many times when I get the "I'm locked out" call…   more ›

New Oakmont Library Program Encouraging Playtime

The Oakmont Carnegie Library is putting resources, workshops and programs in place to increase its family-friendliness.

Librarians at the Oakmont Carnegie Library want children to talk in the library — and giggle, socialize, explore and play. They want parents to encourage these behaviors and mingle with other parents there, too. This may sound strange, but both the director of the library Beth Mellor and youth services librarian Karen Crowell said this is what they want the library to be — a community center where children, parents and caregivers can learn and interact. It has become such a place with the help of a federal grant the library recently received and its impending designation as a Family Place Library by the Family Place Libraries organization. The library now is a place where children can learn from both books and play, and parents can learn …

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The Balancing Act

Hot Off the Grill

Dealing with picky eaters can be unpleasant, but this mom doesn’t believe it’s worth the constant fighting.

"This isn't what I ordered," my then six-year-old said to me. It was a couple years ago at dinner, and I had placed a grilled cheese sandwich and fries in front of my son. I had made three different meals and apparently had confused his sister's with his. It was never my intention to run a restaurant, but that was what my kitchen had become thanks to my three picky eaters. I'd like to say that his comment caused some epiphany, that two years later, every evening my kids, husband and I harmoniously enjoy the same meal. But last night, I was making a peanut butter and banana sandwich for that same child. The rest of the family was eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. Richie doesn't like KFC. He doesn't like most things and is very particular about…

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The Balancing Act

A Holiday Lesson In Letting Go

Letting kids help is a lesson in letting go of control, but mother of three Regina says it's well worth the effort.

It was Christmas Eve Eve, the name my kids have given December 23rd. I couldn't put off wrapping presents any longer. My two youngest wanted to help. I hesitated. I wanted to encourage them, and I wanted them to realize how much I appreciate their desire to pitch in. At the same time, I was in a hurry and, quite frankly, I wanted presentable presents. I thought back to the Christmas when my roommate and I wrapped gifts together. Shiny, heavy, glittery wrapping papers. Ribbon hanging in spiral curls. Metallic bows and velvet bows. Perfectly inked gift tags. Meticulous hospital corners. We had presents worthy of a full-page Christmas ad — or Carabella's window! Of course, we also didn't have kids, husbands, outrageously demanding jobs or …

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